What is Friendship?

When I was growing up, my mother tried to teach me the difference between a friend and an acquaintence. But I grew up in an area where your parents had to drive the "right" car, you had to wear the "right" designer clothes and shoes (even in kindergarden), and had to be seen with the "right" people. So while my mother tried to teach me one thing, society was teaching me another.

Now as an adult, I can honestly say I know what a friend is. There is a saying "A true friend knows everything about you and still likes you".

Tell us about your true pals and what makes them so. I'll share about mine as this thread progresses.

-Tegan

 

Thanks for sharing about your two friends Star.....you bring up an interesting thing with the friend that helped you thru your Mom's death. Sometimes great friends go their seperate ways. Sometimes, they are only meant to be in our lives for a specific period of time and sometimes they do come back. I have had that happen on several occassions this year alone. Back in Feb. I ran into an old friend I haven't seen in 15 years (except this time around he and I are a little more than friends :goodvibes, and in June my childhood best friend came back to the states for the first time in 21 years. In both cases, we picked up right where we left off, like no time had passed at all.

That's another good friend, one with whom we can laugh with!

 

I had a friend similiar to stars she helped me through my mams death too but now we have fallen out we were good friends for 25 years

 

But hopefully you have wonderful memories.

 

Tell us about your true pals and what makes them so. I'll share about mine as this thread progresses.

-Tegan[/quote]

I've always had this feeling that if I let you get close you'll really get to know me and then you not only won't like me, you'll tell every one else and they won't like me either. Irrational, probably, but then that's sorta the definition of my life this time around. Consequently, I've never had a friend and don't really know what one is.

 

I know exactly how you feel, but mine is based on more than a feeling, it's based on experience. Thats what happened to me all thru my childhood compounded by my mother who said I wasn't worth likeing.

Well, I've "known" you for a few years now and I beg to differ. I can think of a few people who absolutely adore you and consider you a friend. Myself included. Ok, so we may not have ever met you face to face and some of us have never even spoken to you voice to voice, but that doesn't change a thing in our book. Right Tink?

 

As a kid, my fear of people was based on the public attitude expressed in the newspapers, listening to people talk, including my parents - "Those people should be shot." "They don't have any rights" "So what if they get beat up." As a result I grew up very much alone, not daring to trust anyone. The attitude then was very real, if you really knew me you probably would kill me.

I can't help but think, yeah but that's on line. Even with changing societal attitudes, I still tend to be, perhaps, over cautious about letting people close to me. On line it's much safer to say what I think and be who I am. In person, I'm much more reticent.

 

Yea i have some good memories our kids were brought up together too....

 

That's wonderful. No matter what else, you will always have that, even if it's bitter sweet.

 

I too was discriminated against, I was an obsece child and as the adults put it "homely". Even got beat up for it by a 6th grade mob. So, I do understand to a certain extent. It sucks when a child has to grow up with the fears you had. It's just not fair. But kudos to you for choosing to teach kids, I'm certain you made a difference in many young lives.

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Its wonderful that at least you have this outlet to be yourself. Ain't technology great! I have been very fortunate to expand my online friendships with those here in the northeast to a personal friendship.

I'm glad you went with this line of conversation. It's one of the reasons that I started this thread. Every friendship is different, and if a friendship is created in an unconventional manner, like a chat forum, is it any less important?

 

I suppose but as I said, I don't really know what friendship is. Never having experienced it, I'm in a learning mode.

The reason I've been lurking and not communicating lately is that I've had "a sea of troubles." I've discovered one of the disadvantages of aging, you realize rather suddenly that you are mortal. I've been stirring about with a lot of doctors appointments lately trying to discover why I'm short of breath and have swollen, red, itchy feet. I have been assured by platoons of drs that I am in excellent condition, all systems go and they don't have the faintest idea why I can't breathe and why I'm hobbling about trying to walk and scratch my feet at the same time. Since they can't find anything wrong it is obviously all in my mind. I made some comments about my getting my degrees at University rather than out of Cracker Jacks boxes, so now my drs are communicating, rather snippily, through their nurses.

And my cooling system has fossilized. The water has so much calcium carbonate in solution that when my evaporative cooler tries to evaporative cool the limestone precipitates, turns the core to limestone and plugs the water drips with limestone and consequently is cooling with a 10% efficiency. I am melting waiting for the repair men to install a new core, drip pipe and filter.

And since the nearest gym is 48 miles away I realized the only option was to set up my own. I'm trying to get the exercise equipment I bought set up - putting together the Bowflex home gym is more exercise than I will ever get using it. The treadmill is supposed to be delivered Wednesday. My dining room has become a gym with china cabinets (whenever they get here).

And the rest of my furniture (china cabinets, desks, chests, bookcases) is finally supposed to be delivered some time this week or next.

And the dogs are upset because the last two times the house was torn up they went to boarding school for a few weeks - they hate that.

It's at times like these that one realizes comfort is more important than looks - so I go to the Post Office in a mu-mu and slippers, I take a rottweiler with me. Damn the frumps and full comfort ahead.

 

/quote I too was discriminated against, I was an obsece child and as the adults put it "homely". Even got beat up for it by a 6th grade mob. So, I do understand to a certain extent. It sucks when a child has to grow up with the fears you had. It's just not fair. But kudos to you for choosing to teach kids, I'm certain you made a difference in many young lives. /quote

Sixth grade was the first time I got beat up also. I hunted down the boys in the mob and attacked them with a 2x4. Put several of them in hospital and was expelled as a menace to society. I spent the seventh and eighth grades in Venezuela and then was sent to a Military Academy for High School - that's when the beatings really began and the head stuffings in toilets, etc., etc., etc. (wouldn't make it past the censors.)

/quote Its wonderful that at least you have this outlet to be yourself. Ain't technology great! I have been very fortunate to expand my online friendships with those here in the northeast to a personal friendship.

I'm glad you went with this line of conversation. It's one of the reasons that I started this thread. Every friendship is different, and if a friendship is created in an unconventional manner, like a chat forum, is it any less important? /quote

Yes, I frequently think that these forums saved my life. I was ready to chuck it in before I discovered them. Unfortunately the only way I'll ever meet anyone in person is if I snag them off I-10 as they pass by.

As I said to Lynne, I don't really know what friendship is, I'm in a learning mode. The reason I don't often enter chat rooms is that I'm frightfully slow typing and my perfectionism gets in the way. My keyboard has the vowels (except "u") and the "h" and "n" worn off which slows me down even more.

 

Well, I'll let you know if I ever am passing thru that way!

Do you remember that you were the first person I ever met in a chat room. And I still don't know how I even got in there much less on that forum. I guess I tripped, and look at us now!

LOL, gotta love a Virgo!

 

In my opinion, friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.