Then the fight started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started...

************************************************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

***********************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

***********************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the
other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

 

Stealing these!

 

What? I was dead at the time... I was on the moon, with Steve.

(Eddie Izzard reference for those who don't know)